Things change. Time passes. I haven't used this writing space as much as intended, but sometimes it's better just to sit back and not speculate so much on what is happening, and simply go with the flow.
Things are different. Not so much in a bad way, but in a good way. Ever since I hit the road with Break Out, I still felt alone. Surrounded by a group of friends, somehow, I still felt on the outside... like I just didn't belong. But all that's changed. Not only do I really feel this is where I should be, but I have someone alongside me, holding me up the whole way. Shadows are funny that way. We get so used to them being around that we don't realize we've fallen in love with them.
I could have gone back home, but as so gently told, it would have just been running away again. I don't know what all God intended back when I decided to join this team. But I know that without it, I wouldn't have grown in the areas that I have. I might not have Alice. I wouldn't have all of these daily experiences that have helped me draw closer to God, and learn more about myself.
I know I joke around a lot, but in all seriousness... being with Break Out has been a blessing. It's not what I imagined myself doing at this point in my life. But I'm loving it. Music has become a thing of the past... a passion lost somewhere between then and now. My future has changed. And I am happy. Thank God for the life I've got.
Now... where are those donuts that Jordan brought in for breakfast...
18 July, 2009
20 June, 2009
Nighttime lights
I wanted to sleep. But my persistent headache kept me from it. So I find myself here once again to say a few words as my mind wanders.
Today was a hard day - one of the hardest in a while. But not because of the company or the job. No, it's a battle within myself that I must win. I'm surrounded by friends who would support me in anything, yet it is still a battle I must fight myself. Only one knows of it. Only one do I trust with knowing it.
Otherwise, things are going just as well as always. I've found that when traveling in the evenings, to lie back and stare up at the passing lights is mesmerizing. It sets my mind on a strange course, almost hypnotizing me into a dreamy kind of state between awake and sleep. And in that place, I find the things I am trying to work out... the things my heart won't often ponder in the daylight.
I hear the others saying that we are nearing our destination, so I should probably wrap this up. Until next time, it's on the road with me.
Today was a hard day - one of the hardest in a while. But not because of the company or the job. No, it's a battle within myself that I must win. I'm surrounded by friends who would support me in anything, yet it is still a battle I must fight myself. Only one knows of it. Only one do I trust with knowing it.
Otherwise, things are going just as well as always. I've found that when traveling in the evenings, to lie back and stare up at the passing lights is mesmerizing. It sets my mind on a strange course, almost hypnotizing me into a dreamy kind of state between awake and sleep. And in that place, I find the things I am trying to work out... the things my heart won't often ponder in the daylight.
I hear the others saying that we are nearing our destination, so I should probably wrap this up. Until next time, it's on the road with me.
28 May, 2009
Fuel
A clear head. A clear mind. Clear vision. One would assume that the combination of clear senses would result in a clear plan for the future. But alas, it evades me again.
I am happy. I am enjoying the road and my friends. I love what I'm doing now. A year ago, I never would have thought that I would be anywhere but the Pizza Box, rolling dough and taking orders. So there, my wee brain!
And yet while the present is clear, the future is foggy. I have yet to figure out why. Perhaps it is the lack of contact with those at home lately. Perhaps it is the persistent twitch of my fingers and the nagging desire in the back of my mind to spill out the words that want to come. But I resist. I've taken a new path and I will stick with it. I am learning a lot - surely my prayers for wisdom did not lead me down the wrong route.
A bump in the road (literal) jolts me from my thoughts and I glance out the back window. I smile. Our shadow is still with us. Who knows how many others would have grown weary by now? Most journalists would write from a distant, using the information they're fed by others. But not Alice. No, she's a wild one, she is. But even with a wild side, she comes with a heart that knows no bounds. Alice, what would we do without you?
And thus, my entry comes to a close. We're pulling up to a gas station now. Prime time for a potty break and a good ol' mountain dew to refuel. Wooee!
I am happy. I am enjoying the road and my friends. I love what I'm doing now. A year ago, I never would have thought that I would be anywhere but the Pizza Box, rolling dough and taking orders. So there, my wee brain!
And yet while the present is clear, the future is foggy. I have yet to figure out why. Perhaps it is the lack of contact with those at home lately. Perhaps it is the persistent twitch of my fingers and the nagging desire in the back of my mind to spill out the words that want to come. But I resist. I've taken a new path and I will stick with it. I am learning a lot - surely my prayers for wisdom did not lead me down the wrong route.
A bump in the road (literal) jolts me from my thoughts and I glance out the back window. I smile. Our shadow is still with us. Who knows how many others would have grown weary by now? Most journalists would write from a distant, using the information they're fed by others. But not Alice. No, she's a wild one, she is. But even with a wild side, she comes with a heart that knows no bounds. Alice, what would we do without you?
And thus, my entry comes to a close. We're pulling up to a gas station now. Prime time for a potty break and a good ol' mountain dew to refuel. Wooee!
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